Three Conditions for a Healthy Relationship

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To be in be in a healthy relationship you must know:

  • What you want
  • Whether the person you’re interested in or in a relationship with has it, and
  • Whether you have what that person wants too (as measured by how the person treats you).

This translates to the Three Conditions for a Healthy Relationship:

 

I know and like myself


Means…

  • You know what your needs are
  • You respect those needs and are able to meet them

Allows you to…

  • Approach relationships from a position of self-confidence and personal strength

I know and like my partner


Means…

  • You are confident that your partner is the person you want
  • You treat your partner in a way that shows you like and respect him or her

Allows you to…

  • Select the right partner by shifting from trying to be what the other person wants to figuring out whether you want the other person, and treating him/her accordingly.

My partner knows and likes me


Means…

  • You are with a partner who wants what you have to offer
  • Your partner treats you in a way that shows he or she likes and respects you

Allows you to…

  • Select the right partner by shifting from trying to be what the other person wants to figuring out whether the other person wants what you have to offer, and is treating you accordingly.

 

To be in a healthy relationship, all three conditions must be met. And implicit in this is that you must be aware of your own and your partner’s needs and those needs must be getting met satisfactorily. Read more about needs here

Our book, The Thinking Girl's Guide to the Right Guy: How Knowing Yourself Can Help You Navigate Dating, Hookups, and Love, provides a detailed description of the Three Conditions for a Healthy Relationship and instructions for how you can assess whether the relationship you’re in, or the one you’re interested in being in, meets the conditions. We provide specific questions you can ask about yourself, your partner (or potential partner), and your relationship, and we show you what types of information and evidence you can use to answer the questions so you can figure out whether your partner (or potential partner) is right for you and whether the relationship is healthy.